Post Vacation Blues

It's back to reality for me...

 

I made the unfortunate mistake of opening my calendar on my last day of vacation to see what August has in store for us...big mistake.

 

Although my kids don't go back to school until after Labor Day,

I have a least two or three things on EVERY NIGHT in August after work

and EVERY WEEKEND is already booked with sports practices, games, and taking kids to college.

 

It was kind of a wake up call to be honest...

I know at some point in my life I am going to be yearning for these crazy days.

 

Many days I feel like I am struggling just to keep my head above water...

Like when the AP science teacher calls me to remind me that the August 20th camping trip

permission slip was due on June 1st and is my #2 still planning on going?

The permission slip is on my desk...

in a stack of papers probably two inches thick...

with about ten other things that have probably slipped through the cracks.

seriously...this is my desk right now

This causes me

HUGE AMOUNTS OF STRESS

to be this disorganized.

 

But in the grand scheme of life, I tell myself this is insignificant.

While I feel overwhelmed most of the time, I must focus on my moments of joy...

like when my boys are singing at the top of their lungs to the song on the radio as I drive to baseball,

or the seven minutes of precious alone time with my #2 when I'm driving her to school,

or skyping with my #1 on Sunday nights when she is at school in Kansas,

or the few minutes of quiet time I have with D when he comes home on Friday nights.

I just started the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp...
here is a quote from the book that spoke to me:
"Some days, ones with laundry and kids and dishes in the sink, it is hard to think that the insulting ordinariness of this truly teaches the full mystery of the all important eucharisteo."
Eucharisteo is defined as true joy, thanksgiving, and grace.
Clearly I need to be working on this concept.
  

So...I will hang on to summer by a thread...trying to squeeze in an hour or two of pool time

 on the weekends in-between driving kids to activities,

I will enjoy wearing my summer Lilly Pulitzer shifts for another month,

and I will savor the time I do have left with the kids before school starts.

On another note, Louisiana Daughter is heading home today.
It has been an absolute delight having her here.
Many thanks to her wonderful family for allowing her to spend her summer with us!
#2 is already planning to visit her in February for Mardi Gras.

The three musketeers...Louisiana Daughter, my #2, and BFF, A.

and here are a final few vacation pics...

Last day of sailing school...

 
Waiting for the Regatta to begin...
 
D's #3 in the pink boat racing...

And she comes in first place in her class of boat!!!

 

Hope you had a happy weekend!

The Problem of Not Forgiving

I struggled with whether or not to write this post because it goes far deeper than I normally go when writing, but I feel it's an important subject that many wrestle with. Hopefully by sharing my own personal struggle, it will help others who also struggle with forgiveness.

 

I would say that in general, I am a very forgiving person and I don't normally have a problem with forgiveness. I do have a problem with forgiving myself, and I know that it's related to me being a perfectionist....but forgiving other people is fairly easy for me to do.



There is, however, a person whom I have been trying (quite unsuccessfully I might add) to forgive for many years now. At times, I feel like I am there and have managed to forgive this individual....but to be honest, a lot of the time I allow the anger, betrayal, and hurt to fill my heart and I know I have not truly forgiven.



Clearly, it would be much easier to forgive this individual if they disappeared out of my life. Not an option...and unfortunately I must encounter this person frequently. What complicates my ability to forgive this person is that this individual continues to seek out ways to hurt me, hurt my children, hurt my husband, and hurt my family. This person also continues to be vengeful and manipulative, and while I know intellectually this person has a mental illness and can't stop their behavior, emotionally I continue to feel consumed, at times, by anger and frustration.
 

I MUST learn how to forgive this person if I am going to remove the stress and negativity I allow this individual to create in my life.

source



I have prayed about this, read books about this, gone to therapy about this, talked to friends about this, spoken to my pastor about this, and still I feel this inability to forgive is eating up positive energy and taking away from the joy in my life. At times, I can feel the stress consume me, and I hate that I feel no control over these feelings.

Recently, I picked up an old issue of Guideposts Magazine, which is a great little spiritual magazine full of inspirational stories. I noticed it had an article about forgiveness, which was written by Dr. Fred Luskin. He wrote a book about forgiveness called Forgive For Good, which I had purchased a few years ago but have not gotten around to reading. I decided to dig it out and give it a whirl.

 

Well, I can't say that I have miraculously figured out how to forgive this individual, but I feel much more confident that I have the tools I need to continue to work through it. Dr. Luskin validates your right to feel hurt, which is big for me....as a social worker, I am all about validation of feelings...LOL.  Dr. Luskin is not in anyway saying to ignore the hurt. What he says is that dwelling on the hurt is taking away from your quality of life and damaging your health, which I find to be particularly true in my situation.



Here are the Nine Steps to Forgiveness that Dr. Luskin created:

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.
2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.
3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.”
4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years – ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.
5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body’s flight or fight response.
6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.
7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.
8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power.
9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

(source)

 

 

 

If you have someone in your life that you are having difficulty forgiving, then I highly suggest reading this book. Dr. Luskin also has a website  titled "Forgive For Good" with lots of great resources. We are all going to experience being hurt by others, whether it's intentional or unintentional, and I believe one of the keys to happiness is learning how to let that pain go.

 

 I can't change this person, I can only change me and how I react to this situation.
I am claiming my personal power.
I am choosing to focus on the many, many blessings I have in my life.

 

 

So I pray that over time, I will be able to achieve peace in my heart about this situation. I also pray that the mind and soul of this individual who is hurting my family will be healed, and that they too will find peace in their heart.

Peace be with you, my blog friends.